Friday, October 14, 2011

Licensed to print money

If all £75bn of the latest QE fairy money gets lavished on the NHS and feeding all the usual socialist sacred cows and filling the black holes of public employment that only dissipate wealth - then we truly will have learned absofuckinglutely NOTHING from the past 60 years.
Using money for propping up banks to keep interest rates low is a real conundrum. Forcing banks to lend isn't going to happen - they are far too skilled at conniving their way around any "deals to stimulate small businesses"; the government needs to get cash directly to the economy, and forget the paralysed banks for the time being. The people of the US are getting ready to lynch the financial wizards of Wall Street - the suppression of this news suggests that other countries' media have been asked to avoid coverage for fear of a global copycat reaction. In light of the UK riots, some all-too-credible conspiracy theories suggest that the outage of Blackberry network was the result of RIM being ordered to put measures in place to switch it all off instantaneously - if the call to arms goes out as a BBM.

However, the egg throwers of Turkey did manage to make it to the BBC News channel with this priceless moment, when a presenter nails the "triple pun of the week" trophy:

It is obvious that something - anything - needs be done, and fast; so TMP has a cunning plan!

Sadly, TMP's bank has yet to acknowledge the £20bn we decided to quantitatively ease into to our account; this is most unsporting of them, since we want to help out Eddie George, and do our bit to re-energise the UK economy.  After all, if the idea is that economy gets moving again when money is spent, we PROMISE not to allow the cash to sit on any bank's balance sheet for a moment longer than it take to drive the van round for the readies.

Whereupon, TMP will be commissioning new buildings, expensive yachts, important Works of Art and hiring all manner of small businesses to do all sorts of useful stuff in the PRIVATE SECTOR. And every one will be a British Business providing work for British workers; in fact, we might just decide to restrict our scope to helping Essex, just be sure it goes to good homes.
We would make one condition for this support - that any company we deal with had no more than 50 employees, and had taken on (net) one additional member of staff in the past month, because the only sector of the economy capable of employing people in the numbers required are the micro/small businesses - some 9 million enterprises.
If they were all encouraged/bribed to take on one more member of staff - who would be self-employed to save paperwork - by subsidising them with at least the job-seekers allowances being paid - and told that all costly and distracting EU-inspired employment law was suspended until the crisis is sorted out, the immediate problem COULD be solved.
Another key issue concerns the games played by young female staff, so any employee with less than 5 years service that gets pregnant can be replaced immediately without any costly nonsense about keeping the job open. And as for all those new-age fathers that need paternity leave, they can also be replaced by people who understand that the unaffordable socialist fairyland created by the EU and Labour over the past 25 years has been put back in the cupboard while the consequences of the EU and 13 years of rampant New Labour stupidities are being sorted out - so their parents' pension might be paid.
We need to bring back the post-war reconstruction spirit of the 50s - for a while at least. And despite the current catch up to reality, as SuperMac once observed: "you have never had it so good".

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