The other new religion
All those omnivores that live with veggies will probably have lit up by now, although I accept that those who only encounter homo-vegetariens occasionally may be puzzled at this outburst of angst - after all it's only food, isn't it?
Vegetarianism pursued as a healthy lifestyle option is one thing, but in order to lash themselves into the mental strait jacket required to resist the siren smell of crispy fried duck (I've deprogrammed a couple of veggies in my time with that one) all too many of the species adopt an attitude that transcends rationality and becomes yet another crusade. It is indeed no coincidence that many strict religions set out to dictate what their followers should and should not eat, as this is all part of the programming of self discipline that is required to accept the rest of the hocus pocus.
Oh the guilt we omnivores are obliged to feel, oh the condescension whenever some veggie fundamentalist organisation issues a press release that claims to have research that can be spun to suggest that eating meat causes your genitals to turn green and fall off. Oh the finnickitiness, oh the smugness, oh the hassle when attempting to eat out and provide the other half with something more gripping than yet another risotto...
So as a matter of urgent policy, the MP is thinking of starting a members' dining club for the partners of vegetarians, where us carnivores can gather together and pursue our guilty passion for red meat and fine game with relative freedom from guilt, while our pasty partners can gather to share their concern for the animal kingdom and spend a sanctimonious time chasing lentils round a bowl.
Hands up anyone?